funny after the last entry how things happen. our drummer is telling me that he wants to keep music as a hobby. and he hates touring. and doesn't want to be a professional musician. i questioned him at length in a civil and polite manner, much to my credit. i really just wanted to explode in fury and anger. i did call him selfish, but he defended himself well and was able to parry all of my blows. to his defense, he has been doing this longer than us, and has been on two tours. so he's been around the block and knows a thing or two, but i don't know. i just felt like laying down some judgement. i chose to stay here for one more year, to keep working at a grind, to keep apart, to keep it together. for a hobby?

we've lost our way. we should have never split up the party. that was rule #1 you learn in playing dungeons and dragons. never split up the party. and what did we do? we did just that. we are more than the sum of our parts. i blame myself. because it is my fault. don't worry. i'll get us back.

and to you. i hope you are alive. i hope you are well. i hope you understand. i hope you have grown, but not hardened. at least not too hard. keep the faith. it'll turn out fine. it always does.