if you still want her, she won't want you, but if you don't want her, you don't want her. if you write an email you seem like a crazy fool which will auto-lose, but if you don't write an email you are forgotten and lose anyway. whatever i do will be wrong. and i probably will do it all.

there is no winning in this life.

it is hard to grasp, but i think it might be true. i've read a lot of books and heard a lot of stories, and this seems to be the running theme of it all. the story of the world is that there are no successes, there are no failures...there is merely existance. this is a hard pill to swallow for a boy who has played games all his life.

i record my guitar parts tomorrow. i will play them with extra spit and snarl. i have found i can channel my anger and frustration quite well...after all, these songs are all about Her...and they were all supposed to be drummed by Him.

is it odd that my feelings have yet to decrease in intensity after a year of exile?

when i get down, i look at my friends and smile. if i were the loner i claim to be, i'd probably be dead.

i'm an angry angry old man.
and that's its own catch.