retiring from the game seems like the best option...because i still am messed up in the head. and by messed up in the head i mean i still think about her. and by still think about her i mean i'm reminded of her by the things i say, do, and see. i am crazy. yes. i never claimed otherwise.

i plan on growing a beard and my hair long for the new year. i'm told a beard is ugly. this is good. i also think i don't look good with long hair. this is also good. i don't want to be wanted. i have accepted my lot in life, which is to be a crazy old man who happens to be an entertaining one.

staying up late for a week straight is not good for me. now i have trouble going to sleep before 2am. and when i finally do go to sleep...well...let's just say i don't sleep well. there are various reasons for this...some of them are the dreams and visions i have when i close my eyes. some of you might be thinking, "2am? that's not late at all." but you don't realize that i am not a normal college student that does normal college things...i go to sleep at midnight at the latest...i need sleep...or things start to get crazy.

in my time spent not playing the game, i allow myself to just look at the beauty before me. the female form is an amazing thing. and i'm not talking about the bathing suit areas, although they are nice also. i'm referring to the basic line and shape of the female body. the aesthetic makeup. it is quite breath-taking. and it kinda makes me miss having art classes. i don't know...maybe that's kinda strange.

tonight is new years eve. i have no real resolutions. i might make some zealous oath to do something that won't work...but i won't go through with it. i just want to be done with school and lose myself to myself for awhile. i wish i knew the trick to just forgetting that feeling. i should have asked.

i am still a fool. be warned.