why do i hate it so much? you don't know...i don't know...but the fact of the matter is that i do indeed loathe it. i see it as my enemy, and i think i see it correctly. it seems to have taken some of my friends away from me...or moved them farther away than they were. it doesn't make sense to me why someone would. fuck it. who ever let me do this? i blame you. i'd cut and run...but i did something dumb. stupid addictive personality of mine...always wanting more. i hate myself sometimes.

All my life I've been searching for something
something never comes never leads to nothing
nothing satisfies but I'm getting close
closer to the prize at the end of the rope
all night long I dream of the day
when it comes around and it's taken away
leaves me with the feeling that I feel the most
feel it come to life when I see your ghost
calm down don't you resist

you've such a delicate wrist
and if I give it a twist
something to hold when I lose my grip
will I find something in there
to give me just what I need
another reason to bleed
one by one hidden up my sleeve

i have an inferiority complex...except that even though i think i'm no good, i'm still better than everyone else. i still hope that you'll respond one of these days...one of these days i'm going to do something with myself. thats all i need...all i need is for this to start working how i planned.