my roomate for next semester paid me a visit last night. i think his name is justin or something...he's 22 and looks like an adult...which i guess he is. his questions were based around the 'typical' college talk...drinking and peeing in the elevators. he kept asking me if i drank and frequently mentioned being able to take me out into bars. my red-headed ladyfriend (whom i forgot to introduce...because i'm a fucking FOOL) thought this was quite entertaining...she's already planning on stopping by after her exams next semester to get drunk.

this may seem fine and dandy to all of you out there, but this is me we are talking about. i don't know why, but i've always had an aversion to alcoholic beverages...maybe it stems from the jealousy i have toward those who are able to just go crazy and wild...maybe something else...but at any rate, i'm not fond of the drink. i don't mind if people do, but i just don't like sitting there watching. and i especially don't like the glances they give me. the "you sure you don't want any andy?" look. to answer, "yes, i'm sure" multiple times through the night gets annoying...even if just have to give the look and i don't actually have to speak the words...maybe its just my paranoia, but i get insulted.

"but why don't you drink, andy?"

a very good question that deserves a very good answer...one that i am not willing to provide. let's just say it is founded on self-hatred and leave it at that, shall we?
what? that's not good 'nuff for you?
fine...lets delve a bit deeper, because even i am not fully understanding this position i have taken. i mean, c'mon, all of my heroes have been known to like their liquor. my rock star dream also points the way of the drunk. ed vedder now performs with a bottle of wine at each show. so why am i abstaining? well...on face value, i guess it's my way of trying to be different. but there's something else. something i can't really pinpoint...some fear i have. maybe if you could see what goes on in my head you'd understand a bit better...but seeing as you don't have a clue, or a vague shadow of one (at best)...i guess you don't understand.

i am just a simple boy
how am i supposed to kiss?
i am just a simple boy
how will i get through this?
--verse by a. e. b.