yes...i'm back...still more thoughts in my head...thoughts i can't help thinkin...i think its listening to pearl jam...vic was nice enough to put all the songs he had on the playlist...so i'm gettin comforted in my time of dying by my friend ed...he knows...he knows...

so...now onto why three times...just because its the magic number...and because i don't think i've got my point accross...to myself...i'm letting myself get soft...i'm thinking about returning to my old ways...but no..i can't let myself...not this time...not like this...i have to have some spine...i'm gonna stand up for myself...i shouldn't have apologized...i didn't do anything wrong...it was not my fault...not this time...

so what am i to do?...how am i supposed to survive in this hostile environment?...just be apathetic?...nah...tried it...i can't do it...i may pull off a nice facade...but its not really whats goin on...inside...inside i still feel...and right now i'm still feeling pain...the only way to move on is by moving on...

a phone call called me to this current course...even though i didn't know who it was from...it doesn't matter...i can still guess...and as has already been proven, my paranoid guessing is money...i can't live like this...walking around like i'm ok...when everyone knows i'm not...not physically...not mentally...not emotionally...not anything at all...so...i'm going to just carry on as best i can...which won't be well at all...but it will be alone...for now...i gotta get my head right before i go back into the game of life...otherwise someone might get hurt...and it will be me...

"Standing like a statue. A chin of stone a heart of clay. Hey.

And thought he's too big a man to say

there's a fear they'll soon be parting ways."