"I swallowed my words to keep from lying.

I swallowed my face just to keep from biting. I, I...

I swallowed my breath and went deep, I was diving. I was diving.

I surfaced and all of my being was enlightened.

Now I'm..."

do you want to know how fucked up i am?...i just got done talking to aoryn...and i asked her to visit me (after some discussion)...and she said yes...but do you know what i'm thinking...my fucking brain is telling me that she wants to see brad...yes thats right...the guy accross the hall and probably my best friend here...she saw him on his webcam and stated that he didn't look ugly...damn it...damn it all to hell...why can't i just think like a normal person...and then she is fucking (the f-bomb drops again) sick because she got herself drunk...i just can't believe the shit she gets herself into just because she does 'what she wants to do'...to me its fucking stupid...why would you do that to your body...and under the context of a party its worse...if you want to get drunk...you go home...sit at your table and wallow in your misery...thats how you get drunk...thats how i would get drunk...you don't do it with a lot of people and do it 'for fun'...no...you do it to destroy yourself...to get rid of the thoughts in your brain that make you think everyone is out to get you...and to top the fucking night off...she tells me she is going to cut her hair 10" shorter...and give it to cancer kids...what the heck (heck?...didn't you just use-i know...just let it go)...i don't know whats going on anymore...and i don't think i ever did...i just feel like...i just feel like...i don't even know...but its not good...nothing is ever good with me...

"I'm in hiding."