yeah its the new year.

so fucking what.

it doesn't change anything...nothing ever changes...i don't change...thats for sure...and fuck motivation anyway...i don't need it...i don't need any of it...my life is fine the way it is...i don't wanna be pulled up into 'real life'...i like losing myself in fantasy worlds...they are much better than this one...

if you haven't figured it out...i'm a bit upset...for a couple reasons...one...i just had the worst new years thing ever...i...i don't even want to talk about it...and then i read a little read...just leave me alone...you were the one this time...not me...just leave me alone...don't expect great things...don't expect anything...i just want to live in my own world with no worries...but i still reserve my right to complain about whatever i want in this land of fantasy...

on the other hand...yes...i do have another hand...for once...the movie thing was good...better than i expected...i don't think i screwed it up too much...too much...

but then again...she sat with her legs crossed away from me...and always checked the time...which made me think she really didn't want to be there...

i can never tell about how my life is going until about 5 months afterwards...then it is all as clear as day...or night...depending on your point of view...

nobody knows me except me and me and maybe crazy. thats it.

"and i know and i know...i don't wanna stay."