ok.

this is it.

i'm forcing myself to stop...using my ferocious willpower...i will stop myself...from falling into the same pit a second, nay, third time...i just used 'nay'...terrible...anyway, yes...i am going to quit...cold turkey...nah...i can't handle cold turkey...but its the only way i see...cold turkey it is...

i really need to get into a band...i find myself just picking up my guitar and playing for hours on end...but for who?...i certainly enjoy it...but it seems i am not accomplishing anything...i need a band...and my friends always tease me about being in a band...but they they don't really want to be in one...i'm not even talking like a band who plays in front of people...i just want to jam with my friends...to communicate using music instead of these clumsy words...i see people on mtv and m2 and i say to myself, "self...you could do that..."...and self replies, "shuddup you engineer!...", and sneers at my wishes...scorns my dreams...poops in my bed...yeah...

now lets get on to what has happened today...i skipped an important speech class because i thought i would be doing something productive with my CGT group...silly me...so now i am just sitting at a computer wasting time...so far a normal day...oh...i decided to wear my 'wolverine' red flannel shirt today...travis laughed at me...oh well...what does he know...apparently more than me...he has a girlfriend...he can manage to pass his classes without going to them...and he can keep me up at night by playing my own possessions...it seems he can do it all...and it also seems that i often feel like shooting him in the chest cavity...

well...it is now my lunch time...i guess i should eat...oh...yes...speaking of food...i now want to kill icecream...see you tomorrow.