"Do you feel the way you hate, do you hate the way you feel

Always closest to the flame, ever closer to the blade"

this is a darker themed entry...just to warn those that might vomit on my newly cleaned rug...

i think about death a bit more than i should...not that i am always thinking about killing myself or those around me...but i think about what the world would be like if i wasn't here anymore...and if people would miss me...stuff like that...and then when i'm mad at the world around me some bad thoughts creep into my psyche...such as committing a crime to go to jail so i wouldn't have to work...not a bad plan...except for the whole slew of flaws in it...such as the other people in jail that would drive me insane and not let me sleep and maybe touch me in the bathing suit area...so...yes...i do have an imagination...and i usually use it for good...like today i pretended i was a cloud overhead...and i watched people as they passed me by...laying on the freshly mowed grass might not have been the smartest thing to do...but it was comfortable...and i could see my fellow clouds as well as the people walking by...so it helped with the imagining...and i also realized i don't like it when people laugh...i should explain...not laugh as in 'i am full of mirth and joy'...but laugh as in 'ha ha. i am making fun of somebody' or something to that effect...i also came to the epiphany that classes are not as bad as i make them out to be...they are, in fact, the only reason that i can stand life as it is now...they provide me with goals and such...to keep me going...if i didn't have that...i wouldn't have anything to thrive against...as it seems, i like to go against something, just to go against it...so if classes suck and are taunting me that i should quit...i prosper in spite of them...and so it is...

this has turned out to be a rather pleasant romp thru my brain...i hope you enjoyed it as much as i have...and it also seems that i needant have said that this is a darker themed entry, because it is quite the opposite i should hope...alrighty then...i leave myself to stew in my own thoughts...and come up with a better, more pessimistic and angst ridden entry for tomorrow...we can't have me being happy...it just wouldn't do...