"Suck me dry. My blood is bruised and borrowed.

You thieving bastards. You have turned my blood cold and bitter,

beat my compassion black and blue."

i'm gonna kill the motherfucker...that's all there is to it...travis comes home around 8 or 9 and is like...."oh...i'm soooo tired..."....what is he doin right now?...playin MY fuckin ps2...jammin on MY fuckin controller...keeping ME awake...i'm gonna kill the motherfucker...

ah...now i feel better...somewhat...

well...my birthday weekend is going to be somewhat duller than i had hoped (it's not like i wanted to do anything anyway)...although i picked up a new nickname...'jeeves'...i guess i'll get used to it (i won't...i hate nicknames...especially the ones given to me)...

damn...and i thought i was actually going to be in a good mood this week...things do not bode well...my mind is to the breaking point...i'm so stressed about nothing...nothing...it just happened...i just tense...clench...about nothing...and then i just had this crazy idea of how i could do something for my birthday that would never happen...and then i smirk to myself...berrate myself for even thinking such foolishness...such foolishness should not even be going through my head because i KNOW it will never happen EVER....yet i still want to believe it can...terrible...i try to be a pessimist...i really do...but my heart won't let me...

(deep breath)

i'm ok now...for now...for now...