dulldrum.

tedium.

boredom.

all in a days work for me...i hate not being busy...not necessarily productive...but busy...just like on the soccer field...i wasn't very good...but i was "busy"...that's the only reason i got playing time...i looked like i was working hard...that appears to be the reason i get "playing time" in other things as well...i look like i'm trying...

in reality?...i'm half-half-assing...i just do enough to get by and bullshit the rest...and not even well...just enough to do it...but the problem is that other people don't even do that much...so it looks like i do more than them...

i know...it all sounds like i'm saying the same thing over and over and over again...but the worst part is...i'm doing the same things over and over and over again...

"the song remains the same"