judging from away messages, it seems i've lost my name. in all actuality, it has probably been gone for quite some time. my guess is about a year. but, this is the first time i've known of it. or at least it's the first time i've thought of it. i'd always thought that i'd own my name. the others would require a descriptor or last name. obviously, i'm a very foolish man, and this is just the latest showcase of my foolishness. she still has so much power over me...it's not fair. i run through memories on a daily basis. i laugh at how poorly i played the game. i laugh at how i still live in the past. i laugh at how i'll never be good with women. give me a test, i'll answer every question right...but when it comes to me doing it in my life, in real life, i fail. my recently married sister is in her room with her husband...their laughter reminds me of what i'm missing. i could be the most impatient, jealous person alive. i hate that. i also hate how i can't change. i find myself hating things a lot...and i don't mean disliking, i could handle that...i mean hating...it takes a lot out of me...i'm always tired...
oh well...only a little more to go. then i can rest.