i spend most of my time alone. my roomate comes in after i am asleep, and i leave before he wakes up. i don't eat lunch with anyone most days. nor any other meal. i only talk to a few people in my classes...and only by necessity. i chat a lot online, but i don't count that as real. i don't mind being alone...i just wish sometimes that i could be alone with someone, without them wanting more.

i can count the people who would really care on one hand.

i abuse myself at night. i was spitting blood earlier.

despite our advances as a culture, the successful people are still the same assholes they've always been. i'm working on becoming one of them. it's a shame i've started this late.

i am not attempting to learn anything in my civil engineering classes...but i'm "glued to the screen" in my Culture and Personality class. sometimes i wish i wasn't good at math during high school.

i'm thinking i'll wait until after spring break to do something drastic. i think that gives 'em enough time in peace, don't you? and it gives me enough time to come up with something to say. i wonder if everyone laughs at me like i think. i'm sure they do.

i run through villainous acts in my head. the movie of my viciousness plays nicely along with everyday life. my hair is almost long. my beard is almost out of control. i look the part.

i miss a lot of chances by being cautious.

it amazes me that people can know me and NOT love me. i look around this place, and i can say with no ego whatsoever that i am better than 90% of the people here. including him. one possibility is that loving me is too hard.

i guess i belong in antiquity with the rest of the heroes. along with my brothers.

i still reach for my sword and shield.