it's funny that she used to make fun of him...only now do i realize that was out of jealousy. i hope i'm the one that gets made fun of now. but that's being a little arrogant. no one talks about the ant that they almost kill...you know what i'm talking about, they get stepped on, but don't really die. the back half is just mush on the ground, but the front half keeps on crawling...trying to get back home. yeah...that's how i feel everyday. you can yell at me all you want, and say things like, "you should have gotten over it by now," but that's not how i operate. i take everything to heart. every action. every reaction. every spanish away message that i used to know personally.

and that's why i'm retired. this isn't a new angle i'm trying to work...this is how it is. it's not worth it to be ruined again...and i don't have much left to ruin.

the only thing left to do is to focus on my dreams...because, in all reality, they are the only thing left.