it feels like i'm drowning. there is no winning. if i move on, i move on, and if i stay to fight i become worm's meat. i stare at problems and nothing comes to mind. i sometimes wish i was like everyone else. i like how the first choice in life that was ever presented to me to make on my own i completely ruined. i don't even write or draw anymore. i just stare. i just think. my homework goes undone. i watch stupid shows on stupid channels that make me think i could have a happy life. the only joy i get is playing my guitar...but only other people's songs. my own are just imitations of imitations. talking to people is becoming increasingly difficult. some days i go without saying more than "hey" to random passerby's who give me 'the nod'. i talk to myself a little more than i should. i stand in the dark, in front of the mirror, with only the glow of the tv behind me...i search for the crack that started all this mess...i never find it.

and then the laughter.

that always seems to save me.