i return from my adventures up north to news of fleeing and fighting. an interesting way to get a temporary suicide...i'll give him that.

my adventures up north consisted of fighting my dreams in a basement...i think i lost. i did write quite a bit...none of it is any good. i tried to lose myself in a game, but it only reminded me. as did the frequent ringing of the phones.

this evening i drove and cursed at random things...including a hospital. then i saw something i thought imaginary...it went boom...much like i'm thinking i will do soon.

"A jail cell is freedom from the pain in my home

Hatred passed on, passed on and passed on

A world of violent rage

But it's one that I can recognise

Having never seen the colour of my father's eyes

Yes, I dwell in hell, but it's a hell that I can grip

I tried to grip my family

But I slipped"