i was watching a show on stuff and realized i'm just playing the fool...that kinda sucks...but it doesn't mean i'm gonna stop...you know how i do.

it sucks when you play to lose.

i guess i just like to have no chance at winning...don't know why, but it seems i just pick things i know i'll fail at...pretty sure that this is some kind of psychosis...i just love the feeling i get when someone says, "you know you have no chance, right?"...it just makes me smile...maybe it's because sometimes i really believe i can beat the odds...

i'm a walking contradiction.

my best songs are where i don't sing. the new one that my band made actually sounds good...i mean...i actually like it...which is VERY rare for me and my songs...

the gig is set up, and i'm pretty sure we're gonna be the only band that plays...i'm pretty fucking terrified at that. oh well. i expected to fuck it up anyway...this way is as good as any.

i'm temped to stay up at night and see if she'll log on...it takes self-control beyond words to NOT email her everyday...i have to keep myself from showing my desperation...chicks don't dig that...

i remember once saying i'd quit this game forever and kill all emotions...i wonder whatever happened to that?